My Life As a Border Collie by Nancy L. Johnston

Author:Nancy L. Johnston [Johnston, Nancy L.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781937612009
Publisher: Central Recovery Press, LLC

sensitive

“Please don’t be mad at me.”

Characteristic Described

You can see from the quotation above how “Sensitive” naturally follows “Pleasing.” As I try to please, I am extremely aware of what reactions I am getting from the other person, and my feelings can easily get involved in a powerful way.

In this chapter, sensitive is defined as being very aware of the feelings and attitudes of others and being easily affected by their feelings and attitudes. This sensitivity can also apply to the way we respond to animals, to music, to reading, to movies—to any of a number of sights and sounds and experiences. Usually if we are sensitive in one area of our lives, we are sensitive in others as well.

In terms of sensitivity and codependence, we find that codependents can be overly sensitive to the feelings of people who are important to them. Because of this sensitivity, codependents strive to avoid open conflict, can be afraid to approach others directly, and respond to someone else’s anger by believing it is their fault. Codependents can often feel anxious or worried.

These descriptors create a picture of the internal emotional life of a codependent. Behind all of our serving and pleasing may be a very disturbed emotional center. This is where our sensitivity lives, and this is where a vast array of emotions may be bumping around. Let’s look at some of those emotions.

First, I have come to understand that anxiety is often a deeper source of what may be feeding codependence. By anxiety I mean worry and trouble controlling worry. I mean catastrophic thinking and dread. Perhaps this anxiety may involve disturbed sleep, difficulty concentrating, and irritability. Perhaps it may involve extreme self-consciousness and trouble living within your own skin. Any and all of these descriptors characterize anxiety, and I believe they can be an important part of understanding and treating codependence. Seeing codependence as involving an anxious base gives us more ways to help our self to live with our sensitivity and not let it run our lives.

There is also the interactional piece of anxiety and codependence. Even if we are not necessarily wired for anxiety, as codependents we may be living in ways that are causing anxiety, for example, taking care of someone who is sick, juggling more than we can really do, or worrying about having enough money to pay the bills. As the stresses of daily life mount and we take on more and more of them, those same symptoms of anxiety are likely to show up. And, being sensitive people, we are likely to feel them strongly, and they are likely to interfere with our functioning if we do not take care of our self.

In addition to anxiety, our sensitivity may have us feeling some other powerful feelings needing our attention. Fear certainly is one of those feelings. Fear can come from anxiety, but here I want to address it separately. Fear travels with codependence. We are afraid that things will fall apart without our input. We are afraid the other person will get mad.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.